Business Travel Advice

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Yesterday, 03:46 PM	? #3 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Alberta Posts: 3,265	OK, since you're determined to keep working on things with this guy........................... I assume there's no way he can come? That's what I did on the first trip my hubby had to take. My husband had to go away alone not long after D day #2, and what he did was write me one letter for each day he was going to be gone. Some were romantic, some were remembrances, whatever. He gave them to me and told me to open one each day and I did. Most helped, one triggered me though. But it was the thought that meant something - the fact he knew and wanted to help me feel better. He also had written me an 'apology letter' for me to keep with me and read whenever I needed to when I couldn't talk to him. So that helped. He also emailed me his itinerary every day and texted me as much as he could whenever he could. We didn't have a long distance plan, but now we do, so if he was to go away now he would call to say good morning, call on his lunch, talk to me at night. I won't lie, it was REALLY FREAKING HARD. But we got through it and it's only a memory now, and not a particularly bad one.
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Yesterday, 03:49 PM	? #4 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: May 2011 Location: DuPage County, IL Posts: 1,319	Quote: Here are the basic facts: I am a WW who had an EA. It went on for about 6 months and ended 15 months ago. My xOM was a colleague. He is no longer with the company. We are no longer in contact and he lives across the country. I travel frequently between 2 ? 3 of our offices (none of which are near AP). I share my travel itinerary with my husband, he is able to see my confirmation numbers, reservation numbers and hotel/car reservation information. D-Day was 15 months ago when hubby found pictures texted between us that were stored on Sprint?s picture mail server (apparently pictures sent via text are auto uploaded). He confronted me and also the xOM. He wanted me to stay and work things out. We conceived a child during the working things out period. He is disabled and unable to work so he is a stay at home dad. We did arrange for a sitter for ?sanity afternoons? as he needs. We did a lot of rug sweeping after D-day to make things normal. For a period of time, everything seemed really great. Now that I?ve returned to work, he?s definitely anxious and really starting to freak out a bit. He has FINALLY agreed to marriage counseling which I?ve been asking him to do for years. Our first appointment is 10/31. Here?s the question (sorry for all of that): I?m traveling this week for a few days for work (this isn?t optional, it?s what pays the bills in our household). He hasn?t said anything directly but I can tell this is really triggering him. What can I do to help with this? I don?t want a big blow up or fight right before I leave and want to make things better for all of us. First off, kudos to you for considering your H's feelings here. If I were you, I would flirt with your H via text as much as possible while you are gone. Call him at night. Share with him what happened during the day, even boring stuff. Engage with him. Tell him you wish he was there with you.
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Yesterday, 03:59 PM	? #6 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 71	Quote: OK, since you're determined to keep working on things with this guy........................... I assume there's no way he can come? That's what I did on the first trip my hubby had to take. My husband had to go away alone not long after D day #2, and what he did was write me one letter for each day he was going to be gone. Some were romantic, some were remembrances, whatever. He gave them to me and told me to open one each day and I did. Most helped, one triggered me though. But it was the thought that meant something - the fact he knew and wanted to help me feel better. He also had written me an 'apology letter' for me to keep with me and read whenever I needed to when I couldn't talk to him. So that helped. He also emailed me his itinerary every day and texted me as much as he could whenever he could. We didn't have a long distance plan, but now we do, so if he was to go away now he would call to say good morning, call on his lunch, talk to me at night. I won't lie, it was REALLY FREAKING HARD. But we got through it and it's only a memory now, and not a particularly bad one. I am going to give it every effort with MC/IC and see if we can revive this. I have been reading this site like a madwoman and really seeing quite a few places where we just let it all fall apart. I'm amazed we have feelings left for each other so it does give me a bit of hope (pun not intended). I would LOVE it if he could come with us but with the little one and two dogs, that just won't work. The idea of the letters is awesome. I really like that one. It reminds me of what I used to do when he was gone filming for a month or two at a time and I'd leave romantic cards in his suitcase in various clothing so he'd find them at different times. I usually do call in the morning and evening so I'll ramp that up even more.
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Yesterday, 04:32 PM	? #13 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 117	My H cheated on work conferences, and for me now, that is a no go area. I can't personally deal with the triggers and trauma and worry of 'he might be' because he's had too much to drink, and some other woman is giving him an inch. My H seemed to forget he had a wife and family that he apparently loves and wants to remain with, because he drank too much and felt an urge he couldn't put aside. So, from this day forward he will have to spend more time travelling, and no time spending the night away from his home. This will ultimately cause issues, with me and his job.....I do not doubt that. But he messed up and this is the consequence. I don't envy your husband, he will be feeling terrible. If I could give you some advice, don't drink! Text and phone him often as is possible. Be sure to phone last thing at night, no matter how late it gets and first thing in the morning. It might just take the edge of it for him, if you really have. O choice but to go, and he has no choice to go with you.
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Yesterday, 04:43 PM	? #14 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: May 2011 Location: DuPage County, IL Posts: 1,319	Quote: Yeah, we often have after hours events with alcohol. I try to include hubby as I can but that's gotten exponentially more complicated now with the baby. It's noticeable to not drink so I enlist the help of the bartender to pour me a tonic (no booze) with lime in the SAME glass that they serve alcohol and just sip it along with everyone else. I learned this trick from a friend of mine who's going through the AA program. I know we have lunch meetings schedule with the whole leadership team but I didn't see a dinner. I'll reach out to my boss and see - better to know ahead of time than spring something on hubby unexpected while I'm gone. I actually had the exact opposite situation. I was at a work conference when I found out my wife was having an EA. So the next time I went out of town, it was ME who had the serious triggers. And most people I know behave themselves at out of town events. The cheaters are the exceptions. I nearly had to stay at the exact same hotel, on the exact anniversary of DDay1. Got out of going to that conference again. The biggest issue is simply the separation, whether work, vacation, or family obligation. There are going to be times when you can't be together, and surviving those days is paramount. Strategies for when you are separated need to be addressed and strategized ahead of time. Just ask your H what he needs. Express to him that you'll do whatever it takes, but that these trips are necessary for your job.
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